Life is full of ups and down. Often it seems that there are more downs than ups. I don’t necessarily think that is true, but it sure can feel that way at times. I do think that feeling panicked and stressed comes pretty naturally, but coming to a place of peace requires a step of faith, which at times takes extra effort. In the circumstances of life you get to the place where you feel that a situation is under control and you are moving along pretty well and before long you find yourself hitting another pothole. Your world gets rocked and your faith shaken.
I have written some about my husband’s job change. In the past few months we have gone from having a steady income to him being self-employed. It’s been both a rewarding and difficult change. Breakdowns and time spent waiting on repairs have, at times, struck fear in us. We have seen God work in miraculous ways and have marveled at His provision. However, the difficult times seem to keep coming and hit again last night. I struggled with this particular setback more than I have before. I don’t really think that it is a bigger problem than other ones we have encountered and I know it will all work out and that God is in control, but it is the fourth breakdown in a short period of time and it kind of rattled me. I spent time in prayer, asking God why another thing went wrong when we have so many bills that need paid and have an equipment payment just three weeks away. In all seriousness and humility I asked if we are really in the place He has for us. I asked if there was something I needed to be doing differently. I asked for clear direction. I wanted to know that the direction I was feeling was His will and not mine.
The only real answer I seem to have gotten was that I needed to start today with a smile on my face an a positive attitude. I knew that wasn’t my idea because it was about 180 degrees from where I was “at”. The other thing that I felt was that I need to keep writing. I don’t know what God’s plan is, but I do know that He has one. I didn’t really feel all that positive this morning and even though I’m smiling, I’m not sure the smile has reached my emotional being yet. I wouldn’t say I really feel happy, but honestly, just writing about it is making it better. I didn’t really know where to turn when I did wake up and so hopped on Facebook and two posts from a friend named Pat stuck out to me. The first was from Matthew 10:29-31 – “What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” What an incredible promise!!! It is verification that no matter what happens in our lives God knows and cares. We are VALUABLE to Him. Valuable is both a noun and an adjective. The definition, in noun form, is “a thing of great worth”. We are of great worth to our Heavenly Father. Something that is valuable is precious, priceless, invaluable, worthwhile, worthy and important. This verse reminds us that we are precious, priceless, invaluable, worthwhile, worthy and important to Him as well. The verse also says “don’t be afraid”. I love it when I read things like this in God’s Word. It is a reminder to me that God knows the very fabric of our being. He knows that fear will come. He knows that we don’t have it all together and that He needs to remind us to trust Him. He doesn’t chastise or belittle us for a lack of faith – He just gently reminds us that He is there – each day – to fulfill His promises. Not because He has to, but because we are valuable and because He loves us!
What God had to show me this morning didn’t stop there. The next thing that was among Pat’s posts was the following quotation from Corrie ten Boom (a Holocaust survivor and a woman of great faith) – “When your train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the Engineer to get you through.” My world certainly seemed dark last night. Yet my circumstances aren’t anywhere near as dark as what Corrie ten Boom’s were. If she could sit still and trust the Engineer of the universe to get her through, I certainly can. This did, however, remind me that I must be still and trust. God is engineering our journey through life and He WILL get us through!
As I finish up this writing, my focus is beginning to turn from the anxiety of another setback to the anticipation of seeing how God will work, because I know that He will. My job is to be still and trust.